HOW WAS SERVICE?

   Its another beautiful sunday, different kind of attire, colour shades, height, complexion and body sizes proceed to fill the church auditorium. Celestial look on everyone's faces. For some, yesternight's gyration at the club is gone, its time to get serious with God or at least pretend to. While some have scores, brought before "The Invisible", to be settled, some others are gathered to escape the feeling of guilt that comes when Gabriel marks the attendance and finds them missing from church on a Sabbath.

   'Praise the Lord' echoes out of the speakers, signalling time for opening prayers. Then the worship songs fill the atmosphere as the "holy" hands are lifted. By now, the ushers are finding it hard getting volunteers for the front seats. 'Please, step forward sir', 'uhn uhn, I'm ok here'. No one wants the searchlight from the pulpit I guess.

   Few minutes later, the gospel R€€€€€ & B ends, and the quick beats take over. From fuji to hip-hop, the praises rock the seraphic atmosphere, and the youth are nothing but happy to display the latest dance steps in town. That girl might just happen to fall for it, who knows? The older generation stick to their left and right swing. Sometimes, the look of disgust, staring down at you from these old folks, who have already clung to the old-rugged-cross, after purchasing their tickets of salvation to the world beyond, makes you think twice before performing that 'Shoki' dance step that mimics the act of a lunatic on the verge of total rampage. I didn't say so o !

   Everyone appears to be vast in the lyrics of every song being raised by the lead vocal, from foreign to our local ones, cutting across different languages. But the generator is seldom fooled. It sometimes shuts down, when the crazy, twisted, lyrical spells escaping from several mouths becomes unbearable. Lyrical murder on the dance floor ! Technical crew rush to the power house, begging for forgiveness on behalf of everyone. It seems to work as power returns.

   Choir rendition comes up next. Its not uncommon for the message of the song to correlate with the upcoming exhortation. Against most prediction, Sin is the topic of today's tirade ! The exact dose needed to make half the congregation switch to sleep mode. The hippy choir rendition got the nodding heads and tapping feet fooled.

   At this moment, the auditorium drops dead silent, as the words from the rostrum penetrate the seated hearts and blood vessels. Ushers are seen lurking around, wearing stern looks, hunting for preys to gift some friendly slaps. 'How can you be sleeping under this kind of annointing?' A very good defence for the holy smack. 

   The sermon started at ten, its now midday, and still no sign of it coming to an end anytime soon. The pastor fires on without looking at Uche's bitter face. Nursing mothers retrieve to the back to rescue their babies from the jaws of starvation. By now, kids are heard protesting audibly, without banners and paper placards, sending high-pitched wails across the quiet auditorium. What started as a solo is now being echoed by the kids' mass choir. Who says there's no unity in hunger ! Door exits are now seen manned by Holy Holk Hogans, who make sure even the adults are sitted till the end.  

   The atmosphere is now charged and tense, famished bellies rumbling everywhere, bloodshot eyes staring, legs steaming inside many shoe pairs, heads swinging to and fro the wall clock, with smoke of fury escaping from their hair pores, indirectly telling the clergyman his time is up, yet he ignores the call and continues unperturbed. 'Some of you are too proud to come to church with Bibles, all you bring is tablets and digital memo pads, did Jesus use this in His time?, 'How dare you pick calls when the service is on? Is God your mate?', 'Some of you keep staring at the wall clock. Ushers! Remove the battery, we are here to hear the word of God and not time Him, there's no rush"....He fires on 

   Its 2:30pm and the service finally comes to a close. The protesting kids now shout for joy as they join the congregation to recite the benediction. The vapourised energy that disappeared after the dance, returns into the dull atmosphere. Sleep absconds and life returns. Ask a congregant who slept all through, how was service?.....It was awesome will be the reply !!! 

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