POLY-GAMING

   A popular afro-musician was interviewed some days back, asked how many children he has fathered, his reply; I don't know. He did manage to remember that he is legally married to seven women whom he parades, like a butcher parades fresh meat. Its really none of my business how many children a pop artiste decides to father. What makes me so mad is the idea that these women all step out to be photographed like some cute antique, bought and showcased in a museum. Only this was not a museum show, it was a one man's house show.
I understand that African men like to acquire women like automobiles, in fact, automobiles might just be much more expensive, what I don't understand is why women still persistently make such dummies out of themselves. What is the point of giving your all to a man whom you have to share his with so many other women? 

    Some African writers have tried to make polygamy look good through their works, but if there is anything more untrue than such erroneous depictions of polygamy like we see in some books, I don't know what that is. Life in a typical polygamous family is hardly anything but good, especially for the women involved. 

      There are questions we should answer before we can make bold decisions and take definite steps away from polygamy and the usual accompanying trauma. First of all, we have to ask the following questions;

1. Is it true that the woman is commoditized in a polygamous society or not? i.e. Does a woman indirectly become an object of pro-creation and measurement of influence and wealth, thereby reducing her worth as a human?

2. Is it true that in a polygamous setting, the children receive much less parental attention (especially paternal) than in a monogamous setting?

3. Is it true that the children become more like objects or stakes in the calculation of wealth, i.e. When the husbands dies, the woman with the most children is likely to get a higher percentage of his properties?

4. Is it true that most of the men who actually practice polygamy are men who are considered to be below average in their income earnings?

   If the answer to these questions are correct then as young women, I believe its our duty not to make a mere object of sex and pro creation or in-existent wealth counter out of our beautiful selves. It is expected of us to either go for the best or reject whatever less they want to offer. Let's work hard, carve a niche for ourselves without waiting for a man to do so for us. The idea of being a second wife is only good for as long as you are yet to be a wife, ask our mothers, they'll tell you how they fared.

   Our generation should be making conscious effort to avoid the mistakes of our fore-bears. For as long as there's a world of young women out there, who are willing to date married men, then there'll be men out there, also willing to cheat on their wives and become polygamous. And as for women who are first wives, whom their husbands decided they want more women, how about you walking out on the loose groin? What do you need him for anyway? Let's be frank ! Take out the financial support which you won't have to rely on if you can make yourself into an industrious person, earn your own living and not have to wait on his silly, meagre handouts. So what do you say ladies? I say let's de-populate the insane baby-making machine, sex slave market and build ourselves a life outside the shadows of some old Juju star whose obvious biggest achievement is the harem he now flaunts in our face, and the children whose names or position in the family he does not know. Men so full of themselves to the point where they are ignorant of the number of children they've fathered.

   This might not make good sense to everyone right now, but if you sit back and study polygamous families, you will understand. Of course its nobody's fault that they are born into polygamy, but I think it is absolutely our fault if we birth our children to fathers who won't remember them. I suppose we all deserve men who will give us their all, just as we give ours. If a man doesn't think you're enough to have his kids, then you probably shouldn't want him anyway. 

   Ladies, demand the best and say no to slack, irresponsible, loose crotches who just want to add you to a trophy collection and say yes to the conscientious man who wants to spend the rest of his life with you. A man who sees you as the happiness he needs. Yes, You and You ALONE !

Written By Olakunle's Nancy

Photo credit: I on Singapore

This article is copyrighted. Please do not reproduce in part or whole, in any form, without obtaining my written permission. Thank you.